As part of Saturdays discussion (9/23) on Healing the Father Wound, we thought it important to explore our own personal definitions of Forgiveness.

This definition is possibly different from what our Heavenly Father tells us about forgiveness (which is liberating and full of Grace), and that's why we decided to drill down on this topic.

I know through the years with the issues I've had with my father, I have buried them and just 'manned up' and told myself they won't hold me back or slow me down;  upon looking back it would have benefitted me to face them head on, seek reconciliation, and to forgive.

Truth is, how do I forgive?  Is that the same as forgetting? That's what I used to think.  As the years progressed and some friends I have cared deeply about have been in an out of my life, I've thought I've forgiven them.  But, I have not sought reconciliation. Nor have I forgotten. If I were to see these old friends again, would the pain still be there?  To do reconcile to them I would be vulnerable again.

I think to forgive is to release 'it'. I know that I have not released it all for some of my past relationships (and present). When I've released the anxiety and feelings associated with the circumstances, and in understanding that individual is not going to change (nor is the forgiveness intended to do this) I feel that I have benefitted from this intentional exercise. I say out loud (to myself) that I forgive them.  Once it is released, I think about it less, and when I do, it no longer hurts.

Men, if you feel impelled to respond on this topic please do so. I realized while writing this that I've got some work to do. . .

Contributing to the Blog 3/14/15

First, I want to start by thanking Brother Marc (and Jason) for assisting me to re-gain access to the blog. I'd also like to mention Marc's leadership to providing Journeymen. Not only is it providing personal growth with my relationship with Christ, it is providing fellowship and growth for the men in our group. Here is an example, when our small started two sessions ago (last year) our small group was off to a good start. Although we never had the opportunity to meet socially outside the time of the group, our group made good growth with applying our learnings. During this part (part 2), not only has our constructive application to the lessons continued, but there is a clear closeness we've grown together. Where as before, when small group time ended everyone in the group would Disperse within minutes. This group HAS met socially outside of group. We had a wonderful time sharing breakfast prior to the regular Journeymen group. Also, The last few times, our brothers have spent 5-10 (or more minutes) in the parking lot continuing stories, sharing genuine interest and care for one another util we meet again...I LOVE THIS!!!

So, from last week's lesson "A Temperate Man" we grappled with several insightful issues. The ones that stand out include, the power (and gift) of forgiveness. In addition the relationship between forgiveness and reconciliation. We also shared examples of how we share and struggle with patience with family members, co-workers and how we can work towards applying forgiveness towards those most close to us, as well as those we interact with on a daily basis. Reflecting on these skills will bring us closer to God, becoming closer to becoming a temperate man!

Brothers, I pray you are having a good week so far.

Last week we studied being "A Temperate Man."  We heard the story of Joe Fornear and how he struggled with trusting God in the midst of a life-threatening illness.  We learned that a mature man who follows Christ is "sober-minded" meaning his "thinking is clear."  He is not double-minded but vigilant, clear headed and does not go on emotional tangents.  He has the right view on the temporariness of this life and he remembers to hope without wavering. 

Gene reminded us that "A temperate man knows he is responsible to do all he can to carry out God's purposes for him in the world."

I'm going to spend the rest of this week focused on that last point....will you join me?

This weekend we will study being "A Respectable Man"....this aught to be good! 

Be well Brothers

Overcoming Self-Centeredness

The lack of this characteristic of Christian Maturity is at the core of all non-Christ like behavior. This should be fairly obvious since selfishness is the root cause of our carnal nature and moral failures. It is often easier to spot in others than ourselves because it can be so subtle or habitual. Self-centeredness rises up when we lose perspective of God's love and plan for us. Once we "forget" that God is ever present, sovereign, loving, working out all things for our good, and desiring to partner with us to accomplish His purposes, our focus can easily drift to personal sovereignty, satisfaction, and feelings. This fallen outlook is a simple filling of the void created by the improper care and feeding of our souls. The Word cleanses, renews, transforms, and informs. Prayer invokes intimacy, communication, and God's power and help. Fellowship sharpens, supports, encourages and serves. Worship causes us to praise, honor, submit, obey, confess, give thanks, and engage in humility. Neglecting these fundamentals causes us to forget that we must take up our cross and deny ourselves daily (Matthew 10:38, 16:24), or that we need to consider others as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2), or that God has prepared in advance works for us to do (Ephesians 2:10), and that we must seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:25-34). Selfishness can be stimulated by and demonstrated through different emotions although our behavior is not bound to them ("Be angry but do not sin"-Ephesians 4:26). Popular culture and secular world view can set us up to accept unrealistic expectations as personal rights which can then lead to emotional difficulty and selfish behavior. However, consider that Jesus emptied Himself of His rights and did not pursue equality with God (Philippians 2:6-8) and gave us the template for selflessness. So then, is a typical known selfish act always selfish or sin (intentional or unintentional acts which are not identified by the scriptures as sin)? Well we would have to be able to read souls and intents as God does to know for sure but it appears there are some instances where naivety, ignorance, illness, circumstance, motive, and cultural differences may prevail. The scriptures make reference to the routine practice or continuance of sin as a sign of living in the flesh. In a similar way then it would seem that self-centeredness is a characterization defined by a continual pattern of selfish behavior not occasional acts of selfishness (we know that nobody is perfect). In response to requests from some Journeymen I have made a list of some self-centered behaviors below. This is by no means exhaustive but perhaps it will be instructive in identifying or selfish behaviors so that they can be overcome by growing in our relationship with Christ through the application of the fundamentals mentioned above. Basically these behaviors, habits, and attitudes involve self promotion, self preservation, lack of awareness, and rudeness at the expense of others and offer little or no consideration for their experience.The remedy for these are tied closely to God's Holy Spirit and Holy Word and can be found in the scriptures describing the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-26) and the characteristics of love (1 Corinthians 13). Prayerfully read through Psalm 139 and then ask yourself the following questions:

· Am I reluctant to accept constructive criticism or all too happy and quick to give it? 

· Do I include or exclude people from my group based on my own personal litmus test?

· Do I procrastinate often to try to remain in control of the situation?

· Am I lazy and expect others to pick up my slack or because I am entitled in some way?

· Do I repeatedly show up late because my time is more important than yours?

· Can I sincerely mourn or celebrate with others or just provide a convenient response?

· Do I engage with people only when they can help move my agenda forward?

· Do I break my promise or commitment when a sweeter offer comes along?

· Do I thank others for their help or just expect them to do their Christian duty?

· Can I allow others to share their glad or sad story without trumping it with mine?

· Do I hold grudges, avoid people, and withhold blessings from them?

· Do I usually need to be the center of conversation and find a way to bring it back to me?

· Do I blame or make excuse or deflect and rationalize away my personal responsibilities?

· Do I keep borrowed items a long time or return them in worse condition or not at all? 

· Do I make commitments I cannot or do not intend to keep?  

· Do I usually find someone or something to complain about?

· Do I engage in gossip or character assassination?

· Can I be trusted to keep a confidence or secret?

· Do I belittle people or brag to bring glory and attention to myself?

· Do I neglect personal hygiene habits when involved with others?

· Do I put off God's leading because I prefer my life to be comfortable and predictable?

· Do I often find other drivers are holding me up or could use remedial training?

· Do I do something for God or someone and make sure others are aware of it?

· Do I view God as a vending machine and come to Him only when I want something?

· Do I expect God to do for me what He has asked me to do myself?

· Are there certain duties beneath me or too insignificant for me to participate in?

· Am I a Danny downer who saps the positive energy and emotion from others?

· Do I think it unnecessary to confess my fault or restore a relationship?

A Man Above Reproach
There will always be some "outliers" that will criticize, judge, condemn, or act against us no matter what we do. Jesus experienced this and was accused of being a drunkard and demon possessed despite His sinless and loving intentions and actions. Saul was jealous of David and hunted him down even though his intentions were honorable and he only wanted to serve his king and his God faithfully. Trials and difficulties will come (Matthew 5:10-12, 2 Timothy 3:12) as we live in and for Christ. The point is to not live or act in ways which are worthy of those accusations or reactions. Jesus reminds us to Love God and others according to the truth of His Holy Word and the leading of His Holy Spirit (Luke 10:27, Galatians 5:22). Paul tells us to live in peace with everyone (Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14) to the best of our Spirit led ability but recognizes that some may choose to respond otherwise. Keeping short accounts with God and people is helpful here. This requires coming before God (Psalm 139:23-24) to ask Him if there is any truth or justification for any such accusations or reactions that we may or may not be aware of. If the answer is yes, then I must own my sin, confess and ask for forgiveness from God and man, and seek God's help to turn from this behavior. If the answer is no, then we might humbly and privately ask the person why they hold that position and then listen intently for the reason and the key to restoring the relationship (so far as it depends on us). Doing this will keep us in fellowship with God more consistently, will keep our conscience clear, and will free us up from trying to "manage" our reputations. Proverbs 3:1-4 promises peace and a good reputation with God and others if we consistently submit ourselves to the authority of God's Word and allow His Holy Spirit to transform us so that we regularly demonstrate love and faithfulness in our relationships and responsibilities.

Celebration:
"The glory of God is man fully alive" (attributed to St. Irenaeus of the 2nd century). I can only be fully alive to honestly celebrate the blessing and workings of God when I am abiding in Him, being led by His Spirit, and growing to want what He wants.

Happiness is a choice, often seems to be self centered, and shows up when circumstances work out for me. Joy comes from God, is independent of circumstances, and shows up when I am in fellowship with God and help others or observe how they are helped or blessed by Him.